I asked a good friend of mine to give me a creative writing idea to play with today. Something to flex my writing muscles, as I haven't written a story in about 15 years. Her odd idea was this, a time warp tunnel in my garden that leads to 1186 Scotland. This is what I came up with. A bit of light swearing. I hope I don't offend. I was letting ideas just tumble out and didn't filter for now.
Damn chickens! Looks like they’ve created another nest. This time they’re underneath my butterfly bush. I can’t totally blame them though. It looks nice back there underneath this behemoth of a plant. All cozy and tucked away between the base of it’s trunk and the house. It probably feels like an almost impenetrable chicken fort, protected from the likes of me. I had no idea this bush would get so big in under two years. Obviously or else I wouldn’t have planted my yellow tea rose & my lavender so close to it and now they are completely dwarfed & unseen. Someday I will take the time to replant them poor abused flower babies.
Well, I’ll show those hen hags. I’m claiming my egg booty and will completely destroy whatever habitable nest they may have created. I’m sure the puppy will enjoy a treat of unknown aged eggs. Here I go on my knees. Lovely! Nice and damp. Much wetter than I expected it to be, oh well. Another good reason I’m glad to have on my nasty jeans. A bit darker back here than I estimated as well. Guess I will feel my way to my rotten treasure trove.
What the hell! The damn puppy has been digging back here too! Little shit! It feels like he’s created a cavern under the house. I could scream! There has to be spikes or something I can put back here to deter the little pain in the ass. Ow! That would be my head on the house. I’m feeling so graceful crawling under here practically on my belly. I better duck down into this chasm and see how much damage he’s done this time. Great! I shouldn’t be able to see any light down here. He must have tunneled clear under the house. Maybe I should go get a flashlight so I can make sure I’m not heading into a skunk den. Naw, just smells damp. I’ll get this all bricked up before the stinkers find it. Hmmm, I’m still crawling. I can’t believe he has dug all this way. That pup is the destroyer of all that is dear to me, be it my home or my precious plants.
Okay……I think I should be on the other side of the house, right? That is definitely sunlight coming through the end of this tunnel, but I see way too much green. I would never waste our precious spring water on grass. That is definitely grass! Maybe I’ve gone further than I thought. I guess I could be near another spring on the property. Could the puppy actually dig so far as to reach another spring? I have given him way too much freedom. The puppy will now be on lockdown.
The hole is not quite big enough to get my head through. Holy crap! Did someone just walk by? I know I’m not far enough anywhere on this property that a random person could just walk by! Oh shit, another person just walked by. What the hell is going on? I hate trespassers! I’ve got to get my head out this damn hole and see what is happening here. I will be firm but nice. I will try not to rip them a new one.
Thankfully the dirt is soft enough that I won’t rip off my fingernails as I dig out a bit. OH MY GOD! This is not my house! This not my property! I’m freaking out now, can’t seem to swallow my heart back to where it belongs. I can’t hear anything but a loud thudding in my head. Am I passing out? No, no just having a panic attack. What am I tasting? Oh, god I’m biting my lip so hard that I’m bleeding. Well that tells me I’m not dreaming, but it also tells me I’ve lost my freakin mind! Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. However, if I’m sane then there is a tenth century castle in my back yard! A huge tenth century castle, nestled into rolling green hills and dark rock. Somehow I have crawled under my house and into the Middle Ages. I have lost it! What else can I possibly think? I am backing the hell outta here! Backing up, backing up. I don’t think I’ve crawled in reverse this fast in my life. Of course why would I ever be doing such a thing in the first place? Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap! My crazy gene pool has finally showed up in me. It was just a matter of time. My family tree is full of loons!
Oh thank god! I’ve landed ass first into my rose. Calm down Erika. You are where you belong, or at least comprehend. I can feel the rose thorns hooking into my back. That’s real, right? Whew! Just relax. Now where did I hide that bottle of rum? Sounds like the perfect head clearer to me. I think I will keep this mental lapse into la la land to myself.
Ugh, I seem to have found my rotten treasure trove with my butt. Oh my lovely impudent hens. Here puppy, puppy I have a treat for you!
Damn chickens! Looks like they’ve created another nest. This time they’re underneath my butterfly bush. I can’t totally blame them though. It looks nice back there underneath this behemoth of a plant. All cozy and tucked away between the base of it’s trunk and the house. It probably feels like an almost impenetrable chicken fort, protected from the likes of me. I had no idea this bush would get so big in under two years. Obviously or else I wouldn’t have planted my yellow tea rose & my lavender so close to it and now they are completely dwarfed & unseen. Someday I will take the time to replant them poor abused flower babies.
Well, I’ll show those hen hags. I’m claiming my egg booty and will completely destroy whatever habitable nest they may have created. I’m sure the puppy will enjoy a treat of unknown aged eggs. Here I go on my knees. Lovely! Nice and damp. Much wetter than I expected it to be, oh well. Another good reason I’m glad to have on my nasty jeans. A bit darker back here than I estimated as well. Guess I will feel my way to my rotten treasure trove.
What the hell! The damn puppy has been digging back here too! Little shit! It feels like he’s created a cavern under the house. I could scream! There has to be spikes or something I can put back here to deter the little pain in the ass. Ow! That would be my head on the house. I’m feeling so graceful crawling under here practically on my belly. I better duck down into this chasm and see how much damage he’s done this time. Great! I shouldn’t be able to see any light down here. He must have tunneled clear under the house. Maybe I should go get a flashlight so I can make sure I’m not heading into a skunk den. Naw, just smells damp. I’ll get this all bricked up before the stinkers find it. Hmmm, I’m still crawling. I can’t believe he has dug all this way. That pup is the destroyer of all that is dear to me, be it my home or my precious plants.
Okay……I think I should be on the other side of the house, right? That is definitely sunlight coming through the end of this tunnel, but I see way too much green. I would never waste our precious spring water on grass. That is definitely grass! Maybe I’ve gone further than I thought. I guess I could be near another spring on the property. Could the puppy actually dig so far as to reach another spring? I have given him way too much freedom. The puppy will now be on lockdown.
The hole is not quite big enough to get my head through. Holy crap! Did someone just walk by? I know I’m not far enough anywhere on this property that a random person could just walk by! Oh shit, another person just walked by. What the hell is going on? I hate trespassers! I’ve got to get my head out this damn hole and see what is happening here. I will be firm but nice. I will try not to rip them a new one.
Thankfully the dirt is soft enough that I won’t rip off my fingernails as I dig out a bit. OH MY GOD! This is not my house! This not my property! I’m freaking out now, can’t seem to swallow my heart back to where it belongs. I can’t hear anything but a loud thudding in my head. Am I passing out? No, no just having a panic attack. What am I tasting? Oh, god I’m biting my lip so hard that I’m bleeding. Well that tells me I’m not dreaming, but it also tells me I’ve lost my freakin mind! Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. However, if I’m sane then there is a tenth century castle in my back yard! A huge tenth century castle, nestled into rolling green hills and dark rock. Somehow I have crawled under my house and into the Middle Ages. I have lost it! What else can I possibly think? I am backing the hell outta here! Backing up, backing up. I don’t think I’ve crawled in reverse this fast in my life. Of course why would I ever be doing such a thing in the first place? Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap! My crazy gene pool has finally showed up in me. It was just a matter of time. My family tree is full of loons!
Oh thank god! I’ve landed ass first into my rose. Calm down Erika. You are where you belong, or at least comprehend. I can feel the rose thorns hooking into my back. That’s real, right? Whew! Just relax. Now where did I hide that bottle of rum? Sounds like the perfect head clearer to me. I think I will keep this mental lapse into la la land to myself.
Ugh, I seem to have found my rotten treasure trove with my butt. Oh my lovely impudent hens. Here puppy, puppy I have a treat for you!
Awesome sweetie, what's next?
ReplyDeleteThis is cute - a creative idea for a scene! As tenacious says - what comes next?!
ReplyDelete